I’ve recently started going to fairs. They’re a lot of fun, and they’re great places to meet people who could benefit from my services. It’s also just a joy to randomly help strangers. During these events it never fails to shock me just how many people are walking around with severe trauma living rent free in their minds. Nevertheless, I’ve gotten pretty good at picking out who needs this work. The problem is that they’re often so scared of what’s within their own minds that they can’t bring themselves to email me let alone sign up for a session.

I get it. I used to be there. 

Why I got into this line of work: 

I got into this line of work because I witnessed a murder-suicide as a young man. I tried the traditional talk therapy route, but that only made it worse. Violent movies would trigger me, I avoided expressing any kind of aggression or anger, and if I was in public I stayed in a constant state of surveillance and preparedness. The weird part is that I went years with these symptoms being manageable, but in my mid-30s everything became unsustainable. 

I now know the science behind why that happened and why it got worse over time with talk therapy, but that’s neither here nor there. (Talk therapy has its place for many people and situations, and I’m not here to bash it).

So I began a journey of self-healing. One that I assumed would take a decade or two. It didn’t. Once I made the decision to fully heal no matter what, I soon stumbled upon theoretical ideas revolving around memory and the subconscious, and eventually discovered the names Robert Smith and Larry Nims—two practitioners with two very different modalities, both claiming it was both possible and practical to work directly with a person’s subconscious. Neither techniques involved hypnosis, mushrooms, desensitization, or any kind of drug.

I soon worked directly with Robert Smith, and he helped me with my murder-suicide trauma. After one session I realized he had knocked out a good chunk of the pain and misery from my head. I went back, and he got the rest out.

Soon thereafter, I joined his school. About two years in, my wife and I had a miscarriage. 

I remember asking him when I should undergo the work to recover and heal. He simply looked at me and said, “How long do you want your son to suffer?” I felt gut punched, but he was right. My son was already in a better place. Me holding onto the pain and sorrow of losing him was simply me abusing me.   

That’s my story in a nutshell. 

What it feels like:

It’s odd. Not going to lie. 

But here’s the thing that’s hard to communicate until you’ve experienced it: You’ll always be able to find the original memory if you choose, the ‘memory’ just won’t bother you anymore. Instead of it being front and center of your brain, it will feel like a story you read in elementary school—a story someone told you that no longer has the sensations, the feelings, the visuals, or the sounds of the original file. 

Something will remain because what was once a cornerstone of your existence and identity will suddenly be gone.

After memory reconsolidation, there is an absence, and that absence is an acknowledgement of the event. A faded scar. An echo.

You will feel this way for a brief period of time if you choose to work on your big stuff—meaning your Big T traumas.

I believe this period of time is your brain struggling about what to do with itself without the existence of suffering and misery— especially if both have been a large part of your identity for a long time. 

Then things will settle and you’ll start to return to the person you were before the trauma, or maybe you’ll become someone entirely new. Someone stronger. Maybe someone more creative and vulnerable. Maybe both.

Before this happens, though, it’s important to focus your attention on the things you want in life and ask yourself: Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? Allow yourself to work on doing those things and becoming that person. Don’t wait for the universe to give you permission. Just do them. Allow yourself to be that person in action and in thought even if you don’t feel 100% ready.

(FYI, you’ll never feel 100% ready until you have proof, but the only way to get that proof is with experience.) 

If we’ve already worked together, you know it’s important to do this during the day, but it’s especially important to do this at night when you’re on the cusp of sleep. Your brainwaves are a bit slower at this time and are quite effective at sculpting (or affirming) your identity. Make use of this time even if you haven’t done a session with me! 

But what is actually done in a session?

I’ll give a longer answer in a future post, but here’s the gist:

Memory reconsolidation involves fast, in and out, directed focus techniques that will have you focus on the memory, redirect your attention elsewhere, and then go back in. In a session you won’t notice me sympathizing, empathizing, or commiserating with you. What you’ll notice is SPEED.

You’ll also notice that the session will feel very fast. Time distortion is common with memory reconsolidation.

If you’re able to observe the session, you’ll also notice that we’ll cover each aspect of the memory—actions, facial expressions, words spoken, etc. What we’re doing is essentially wiping out every possible imprint that could potentially bother you in the future. By doing this during the reconsolidation window, your memories will have no choice but to change. That’s where the magic happens, and it’s WAY faster than you would ever think.

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