I think this week’s episode will hit home for a lot of people. Pulled from Reddit’s Am I the a**h***?, our main subject is upset with her aunt for belittling overweight people in front of her fiancé who has been battling an eating disorder since he was 12. 

But that’s not the only thing going on in her life: She comes from a long line of alcoholics, had a horrible childhood, and everyone in her family thinks they’re the victim of… something.

But our Aita is committed to breaking the cycle, healing herself and her fiancé, which is probably why she suddenly decided to lash out and uninvite her aunt to the wedding. 

Overreaction? I leave that part to you to decide. 

Join my wife and I to hear what I think is going on beneath the surface for everyone involved and what I would encourage them to work on if they came to me for a memory reconsolidation session.

AITA for uninviting my aunt to my wedding?

“I (30F) am proud of my ability to navigate through conflict in a healthy, respectful way. I grew up around adults who were incapable of doing the same. This dynamic has existed for generations in my family. Substance abuse has been passed down and has remained unchecked and deeply secretive. 

“My siblings and I were constantly walking on eggshells. 

“An argument in our household felt like the end of the world. Children were not allowed to express concerns or set boundaries. Constructive criticism was seen as a personal attack. The lines between parent and child were blurred beyond recognition. Despite this, I have sympathy for our family. I understand this is generational. The way I was made to feel as a child is the way my mother was made to feel as well. These cycles are difficult to break. It’s complicated, but I love my mom. As my siblings and I have gotten older, we’ve been able to talk to her about these things.

“When we were young, I BEGGED my aunt to help us. I told her everything that was going on in our house. She said, “that’s awful. I had no idea.” And then nothing. Not even a follow up. It was like it didn’t happen.

“I’ve been with my fiancee for 6 years. He’s one of the main reasons why I can reflect on my childhood with such clarity. The more I shared with him, the more he shared with me. He told me he’s struggled with an eating disorder since he was 12. 2 years ago, his ED worsened. It was really, really bad. I barely recognized him. He finally agreed to go to treatment. While he was there, I told my family about some comments they’ve made that COULD be triggering to him. This should have been simple. But, aside from my mom, they wouldn’t know a healthy conversation if it shot them in the head. My grandma’s reaction was “fine, I’m a horrible person, I’ll never speak again.” My aunt didn’t answer for days, then finally replied “‘you could have said that more nicely.’”

“A few months ago during Easter brunch, my aunt said she saw a woman jogging on her drive, and the woman was “huge.” I shook my head at her. She said, “I’m just saying, do people that big really think a light jog is gonna do anything?” My fiancee looked at me, but it was like he was looking through me. I could tell he was close to tears. I lost my mind. My grandma tried to get me to stop because, and I quote, “It’s Easter.” 

“I said it made sense that my aunt has been told to stop making these comments for years and then pretends she was never told, considering she did the same thing when I begged for her help as a child. When she said my fiancee was making things worse by crying, I told her she was no longer invited to our wedding. I haven’t spoken to her since. My mom and siblings support my decision. My grandparents do not. I’m posting this because I still feel guilty. No matter how weird it might sound, I worry I was too harsh. I KNOW half of my family thinks I’m an asshole for this. What do you all think?”

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